How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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