the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
