you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
