You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
