Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
