OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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