i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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