that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
