That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
