I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My vagina just recognized that song.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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