I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
