i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
