i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
