why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
