oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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