My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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