My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
