I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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