apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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