Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
