Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
