Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
