I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
