i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
