Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
