If that was your dad, he is hot
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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