Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
