New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
