Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
