p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
