I cut my penus on the lid.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
