Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
