I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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