My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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