Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
tell me about the fingering
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