So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just had sex on a roof
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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