I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize