do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
