well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
