weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
