mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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