Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
