At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
