so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
