it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize