Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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