Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
