take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
