plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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