new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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