In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
