Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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