Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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