Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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