If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
