I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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