I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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