Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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