My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
