On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
