I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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