There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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