well I can't set my house on fire every night
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
