you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
