I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
