booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
