Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
