I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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