Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
