just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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