I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
