The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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