i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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