he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
