Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize