Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
