the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Actions speak louder than pants.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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